Speaking Out

"I expect the members of the group called "Living in Sarajevo'' who went to Sarajevo to stay and live in Sarajevo,'' Vojislav Kostunica, the leader of the Serbian Democratic Party (DSS) said after the group#s recent visit to the Bosnian capital.

Bob Djurdjevic, a US businessman of Serb origin, as the Moscow daily ``Pravda'' reported, sent a letter to Bill Clinton saying: ``Thanks to the strictest sanctions ever imposed by the international community (however illegally), Serbia is quickly becoming one of the most capitalist societies in the world... So, if your administration really wants to punish the Serbs it should lift the sanctions and flood them with money. Then you can just sit back and wait for the communists to wake up and destroy the economy again.''

Radoje Djukic, Serbia's Enterprises Minister, said recently, ``Wealth earned in hyperinflation and sanctions is as temporary as rain.''

A Bus Ride

A man got onto a Novi Sad city bus on his way to the railway station. He didn't know that he had to get on the bus through the back door and buy a ticket from the conductor. Unfortunately, ticket inspectors climbed onto the bus with him immediately getting down to business.

``Ticket!''

``I just got on, I don't know where to buy one.''

``So you don't have a ticket. You're taking a free ride, huh? The man that's driving you does 12 hour shifts in this heat, and you want to make him drive you for free?!''

``I'll buy a ticket right now. We buy tickets in kiosks in Belgrade, I didn't know you had conductors.''

``I'm not interested in excuses. Pay the 10DM fine.''

``You mean, 10 Dinars.''

``Dinars will do. Hand over the money, that's it. You're free to go now. Get out.''

``Can I have a receipt?''

``Maybe we could stop the bus and call the police. Then you'll pay another 100 Dinar fine.''

The man got off the bus and went into the police station by the railway station to complain about his encounter.

``We really could take down the man's name, this isn't the first time the inspectors have done that,'' one policeman said to another.

``Yeah, OK. We'll take your name but you know it would be better if you bought a ticket like everyone else. This isn't Belgrade you know!'' The second policeman shouted at the man who ran out the door and never looked back.

Trains

The Beograd railway company said it was introducing a steam engine to pull a partly reconstructed, partly original 1912 train. Allegedly the whole world has antique tourist trains. The problem is that vintage 1920s steam engines have top speeds of just 50 KMH which the modern Serbian railways can't sustain.

Shepherds

Selfmanagement yes, willfulness no. Roughly that is the message (autonomy yes, church independence no) that his holiness Patriarch Pavle sent to the Macedonian Orthodox Church last week via Radio Pozarevac. The message comes over the Macedonian Church's efforts to become independent of the Serbian Orthodox Church. ``We are still begging them to come and talk to us as people of one faith and let us explain that they should accept autonomy and join the family of Orthodox Churches in the world,'' Patriarch Pavle said.

That same day the Metropolitan of Zagreb, Ljubljana and all Italy, Jovan, explained once again why he spent most of 1991 in Belgrade instead of with his flock. This time he said he didn't have adequate accommodation in Zagreb. The Croatian side, through Davor Vidis spokesman for the Croatian Bureau in Belgrade, added: ``Accommodation should not be a problem for such a spiritual man. In any case the return of all spiritual people is in the interest of the republic of Croatia.''

The shepherds are all right, the fate of the flocks is probably not their concern.

Rabbit Eaters

Many people suddenly discovered how much UNPROFOR means to them when the UN Secretary General threatened a possible withdrawal of the bluebereted boys. They discovered that despite their ``biased and treacherous role,'' the withdrawal of the blue berets would make life unbearable and the war much more brutal. Boutros Boutros Ghali was immediately accused of desertion while much of the press scampered to publish articles on the irreplaceable role of the boys in blue whom NATO simply can't replace.

Still, a few old slogans crept into the outburst of blue beret love. The Belgrade daily ``Politika ekspres'' published a letter which said Jordanian troops under the UN flag in Slavonia were catching rabbits and eating them raw. The letter warned that those men had special digestive organs which allowed them to eat even raw turtle meat. The letter said the Jordanians would not be worthy of mention but that Croatian Ustashi had visited the Jordanian King in 1961 and invited him to be their lord and master and he, naturally, accepted. Since King Hussein gave up the Croatian throne meanwhile, ``Politika ekspres'' decided to warn its readers who the Jordanian raw meat eaters were actually protecting in Slavonia. Just so that no one will be surprised if tomorrow human meat gets eaten in the SerbCroat border zone.